Every year for New Years, I try to come up with a word. Something I want to focus on, reflect on, or just cling to for the upcoming year. This year, as I was praying over the word for my life this year, the Lord literally dropped the word, trust, in my lap. Okay… not literally. But, he showed me the word enough over the course of a few days that i knew it needed to be my word.
I would like to think that I’m a pretty trusting person. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. If you’re my friend and you give me your word, I believe you. I don’t search for reasons not to believe or research to disprove your character. In fact, I trust a lot. I trust Amazon prime when it tells me that if i order in the next 36 minutes, my package will arrive in two days. I trust Kroger that when I buy simple truth organic chicken, that it is what the package says. We have a choice to trust every. Single.day. Whether you realize it or not. If that’s the case, though…Then why is trusting the one who created you and me and Amazon(thank you Jesus)… the hardest thing to do?
I think the answer is one of two things. I think either we don’t trust because we don’t have faith that he will come through for us and believe his promises. Or, I think it’s because we know that just because we trust, it doesn’t mean hardship and heartbreak won’t still come. I think for me, It’s mostly the latter. I can put my trust in the Lord, but so did Moses and he was in the desert for 40 years. I can trust that he will finish the good work he started, but when the heck will the finish come?!? When I’m 85 and half dead???
I was talking to a sweet friend recently about her desire for a husband. She loves Jesus and wants to meet a kind man who loves the Lord. She’s had to watch so many of her friends get married… as she’s waiting. I know what that’s like. While listening to her, I had zero doubts that God would give her a husband. HE WILL! I believe that for her, but I remember being that girl. I remember crying to my pastor at the age of 23 saying, “I don’t want to be the old lady with 9 cats.” I remember that was an actual fear in my heart, and talking to my sweet girlfriend that day brought me back to that place. In the midst of her sharing and questioning and wondering why and where and when and how, the Lord laid TRUST on my heart once again.
The encouragement I gave to her was this. If you are seeking the Lord and the desire for a man doesn’t go away, then God is gonna have a husband for you. I repeated to her sweet words I have heard from a girlfriend of mine recently… “At the end of the day, when the fear, worry, and anxiety set in… that’s when you have to TRUST GOD. Trust. God. Trust. God.” As I said these words to her, my eyes welled up with tears and my voice began to crack. Man, I’m preaching to myself here. I went back and thought about God granting the desires of your heart and what Jeremiah 29:11 really means.
This verse doesn’t mean that God will give me what I desire. I guess it can mean that too sometimes. But, what it means… is that God will literally place his desires in my heart, and they will then become my desires. This, y’all. Why is this so scary ? Surely I’m not the only one who is afraid that God will change my heart to something in this very moment I do NOT WANT?!? Why oh why am I so stubborn and stupid?!? Shouldn’t I know that whatever he puts in my heart will fill me up so much greater than my own desires… that I really know nothing about?!? I mean, even as I’m typing this, I realize how foolish I am. It’s kind of like the teenager who doesn’t want to go to college. (listen, I don’t believe everyone should go to college, but this is an analogy) The teenager wants to get a job right out of high school at the local factory that pays a decent, good salary… what seems like a LOT of money to an 18 year old. But, that teen’s parents see the future. They see that college would secure a career and open up lots more opportunity. It would be most likely a good job almost always making at least that factory pay with potential of so much more. They see that their child may not like working in that factory every day for 40 years. They see their child having their own children and knowing what financial stress can cause with extra mouths to feed. That factory job is good and decent living. But parents want only the best for their kids. I think this is like how we are with God. We’re the rebellious teenager, and he’s our wise father. We don’t give him enough credit. And he’s GOD. How silly of us?!?
The truth is simple. Worry, anxiety, and fear… they aren’t from the Lord. I know most of us know that, but if we fully trust his plan for us and our lives, why would we worry? Why would we fear? Its because we’re sinners. Its because we’re flawed humans who are tempted day in and day out to not trust the one who loves us more than we could ever imagine. When you really trust someone, you don’t question their reasoning or motive. You take them at their word for what’s best for you. And when I sit back and think of all the goodness in my life… of the mountains Jesus has moved for me and ones I love, not trusting him seems like the most foolish thing I could ever do. I don’t want to be a fool.
Something God has really laid on my heart this last year, is action. After 2015 and our real crappy year with two failed rounds of IVF… investing so much in trying to build a family, we quit. We needed to quit the worrying and the fear… but we also quit the action. We literally just sat on our hands, doing nothing, hoping for God to do something, I guess. I don’t even know what we were doing. Maybe resting. And rest is needed in seasons of hardship. But, now, that season needs to end. Now, is time for action. FAITH without works is DEAD. James 2:14-26 is good, y’all, Read it. But, it’s so true. Faith is the belief. Trust is the action of believing. Trust is taking a step IN faith. Its not taking a seat. Trust is a verb. Well, crap.. Haven’t done much of that lately.
Good news. God’s mercies are new every day. Every day. We have a chance every morning with a new dawn to make things right… To choose Jesus. To love. To Trust… in action form. How good is he that gives us a new chance every single day. Praise. I will tell you what trust in action has looked like for this house recently. It’s scary. And hard. And Satan has lied a lot and tried to get us to sit back down. He’s tried to stop us moving, because action is much more intimidating to him. But, we haven’t stopped. We are walking out in faith, trusting the Lord that he has a job for us to do. You know what else trust is. Its joy. Its peace. It is a perfect fit for our hearts.
About that…our hearts. That whole God will grant you the desires of your hearts, thing. He aint messin’ around with that. It’s so true. And so perfect, his will. Those desires of mine… well, he ripped them right out. And it wasn’t a fast rip, either. The pain was long, and at times, unbearable. It seemed like it would never end. I remember crying out to God one night, literally screaming out loud, “When will this be over?!?” But, sometimes, God has to break our hearts to change them. And that’s what he’s done with mine. I don’t like the breaking part. Not one bit. I’m sure no one does. But, the new heart he’s given me instead… that’s the heart I want… it’s the heart that God wanted me to have all along. He gave me a heart more like his… that truly breaks for what breaks his. And that now feels so normal, that I can’t imagine it any other way. His desires have literally become mine. And, I’m thankful.
And you know what else? The more we take action by trusting him… the easier trust becomes. God may continue to break and change my heart, because I got a long way to go to be like Jesus. But, when I continue trusting him, it’s just not as hard. He’s doing a good work in my life. It ain’t always pretty, or happy, or easy. But it’s always for my own good. The God who created the heavens and the earth and everything in it… he’s gonna come through on his promises. And, it’s about time we all start actin’ like it. Trust him.