It has been almost one year since our second failed round of IVF. I think often of those precious embryos and wonder what life would be like if either round would’ve worked. During the waiting of our first round, I was overwhelmed with anxiety one day, so I opened my bible to Psalms. I was begging God for his voice, for his presence, and for his comfort. I was flipping through the pages with no direction, when I saw a chapter starting with the words… “Praise the Lord.” I immediately thought of Job.. when he gave praises in the midst of destruction. I began to read the words… crying and pleading as I spoke each line. Then the Lord may not have screamed down from the heavens in an audible tone, but he did speak to me like I’ve never heard him before. The last verse of this chapter I stumbled upon read,
“He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the Lord.” Holy cow. Goose bumps went down my spine… well, a week later, I had a negative pregnancy test. As time as gone on and my barren wounds have began to heal, I have come to trust that promise he made to me. I believe with my whole heart we will be parents. I believe the Lord was proclaiming that to me on that day… just not yet. God is real. His promises are true. And his love for me reaches far beyond my love for those five precious embryos. He is good and gracious all of the time. I pray that promise from Psalms 113 over my life often, and I pray it over all the women I know battling the same struggle.
When I began using oils two and a half years ago, I was filled with hope. But then we spent over a year with full intensity trying to conceive, and my hormones and emotions were out of control. Ask my husband:)… I sincerely don’t know how people get through things like this in life without Jesus. I don’t say that in an ugly or judgmental way. I say it with compassion and heartbreak… because so many people don’t know the one who knows. They don’t know the one who heals the broken… who comforts the weary… who gives strength to the destitute. I do know him, and I am able to find joy in every day and truly find happiness with the life I have because of him. And it has become my goal and truly I feel, my purpose, to share my savior, through the vulnerability of infertility, with other women in this club.
I was on a drug last summer for two months that basically causes medically induced menopause. Y’all. It was awful. It may have been the two worst months of my life. I had 8-10 hot flashes a day, and my anxiety was through the roof. I had several emotional breakdowns during that time… it was like I could see this girl spiraling out of control, but I couldn’t stop it. My husband was so gracious to me during that time. I remember one night, I lost my shiznits, and he was asking me where the stress away was, while searching for that or any other oil he could find for me to inhale during my breakdown. It’s funny now looking back, but it was plum awful then. He really was my rock. Im thankful for the husband he has become, and the wife I am striving to be. That is one absolute blessing through all of this infertility crud. Our marriage is in a different place. It is far from perfect, and we are both selfish sinners, but God’s grace has flowed over us, and Im super thankful for that.
Ive mentioned before that after our last failed round, we decided to take a much needed break. 2016 has been epic so far, and the talk of babies has been minimal. Every time we see a really cute one, we share an “awe, i want one” look… but we are learning patience waiting on the Lord. Oils and Jesus have truly changed our life in the last two years. Jared uses them daily and has a cologne roll-on designed specifically for men and their hormones. There are so many different oils that have helped me hormonally and emotionally. No, Im not pregnant. However, oils don’t decide that anyways. The creator does. I use idaho blue spruce over my heart… it is a great oil for extreme sadness and loss. I use lady sclareol that is a blended oil to support my female reproductive system, and I use Frankincense on the daily for two reasons. A. they brought it to Jesus, so it has to be good. B. it helps with pretty much everything, and is a great physical and overall emotional oil for me.
I used to be afraid to share oils with others. I was afraid of what they thought or how they would perceive me… but i just aint afraid no more…Mainly because they have changed my life. They have changed my friends’ and family’s lives, and I can look back and look now and see that God is using them daily to bring me emotional and physical support. He created them. They are from HIM, and it shows his majesty and perfection in his creation of the heavens and the earth. They are used hundreds of times in scripture.. (stay tuned because an ancient oils of scripture class is in the works)… I don’t share all of this to come across salesy or pushy… I share it because the goal of young living and the goal in my heart is to have these oils in the hands of every home.. of everyone I know. they are that awesome, y’all.
When you love your new hair cut, you tell your friends. When your doctor is compassionate and truly listens to your needs, you tell your friends. When those leggings you just bought are the softest most comfy leggings ever in the history of leggings, you tell your friends. Thats all I’m doing… but really so much more.. because oils are better than a good hair cut or a cute outfit.. they are offering you the ability to take control of yours and your family’s health. Everyone is screwed up in some way. Its true. I am. Jared is. We all are. Some have physical issues. Some have emotional ones. Some have hormonal…so on and so forth. I mean we live in a fallen world, and we have fallen bodies. That drug that made me crazy last year caused anxiety, sadness, and depression…thats no coincidence. Everything in our bodies is connected. Hormonal imbalances can cause tons of physical repercussions. Sure a prescription from your doctor can treat the ailment and often make it stop… at least while on the meds. But, a prescription most often doesn’t get to the root of the problem. It doesn’t fix the underlying issue.
When my doctor wanted to put me on clomid two years ago for my irregular cycles, I was like.. “Ummm, I want to know WHY I’m having irregular cycles.” She looked at me weird, and then I switched doctors. 🙂 Oils work at a cellular level, bringing balance to your system. You are addressing the core of the problems, not treating a symptom. Im so glad I refused that drug, because once we found out what was wrong with me, clomid would’ve made it worse. I encourage each of you to take control of your own health…its no one else’s job but our own.
To all my home girls out there struggling with issues similar to mine, God hears you. He has not forgotten you. I pray for you, and I believe he will lead you in the direction that is perfect for you and your future. He only wants what is best for us. Sometimes learning this lesson and learning to trust him in the midst of the unknown is the hard part… but we wouldn’t be learning to trust if we always got everything we ever wanted. He really is ALWAYS good. So for today, Im gonna put my idaho blue spruce over my heart, some frankincense in my water, and pray God uses them for my good…and praise him for these amazing oils and all he has done in my life.