THE GOODNESS OF GOD
A few months ago, I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook when I came across a friend’s pregnancy announcement. This is a pretty common occurrence these days but noticed more by the girl who can’t get pregnant. Basically, the announcement went something like this…. “We are expecting our second baby, and we are so excited. God is so good!” God is so good. Reading those words felt like a dagger in my heart. Why??? What she said was 100% truth. But if it’s true, Then why was it so painful to read?
What caused the tears to flow when I read such a simple statement is not because she was gloating or proud of a pregnancy. Of course God gave her that baby in her womb to grow in his image. That baby is a gift and a miracle and all of those wonderful things. And that baby came from the one true God. But why I think it hurt so bad to hear someone say that, is because it made me feel not good enough…like what am I doing wrong for God not to be good to me? If she got pregnant because God is so good… Well then, where does that leave the girl who has had her pregnancy dreams crushed for four years? Is God purposefully not being “good” to me???
It’s like the sorry of a tornado sweeping through a town. On a single street, the monstrous storm tears down every house except one…smack dab in the middle of the street. The owners of that house put a sign in their front yard saying, “Praise the Lord! God is so good!” Well… that is true. But it’s not because he gave you what you wanted. It’s not because he left your house standing while he allowed the others to be viciously torn down.
I realize my friend was just rejoicing in blissful news! And I guarantee I’ve said something similar sometime about something … Probably on social media. It is just so easy for us as sinners to rejoice and give God praise when he does exactly what we want him to do. As long as he answers our prayers the way we see perfectly, then we will talk about how good he is. A test of true faith and perseverance can best be described in the book of Job. The man had the worst day ever in the history of ever. He lost literally everything in his life. He could’ve cursed God and turned bitter and filled with rage and hate. But instead, he rejoiced! He literally praised God. I want to be like Job. I want to praise God through this storm in my life. I want to strive for an attitude of thanksgiving when my dreams of children are destroyed. I want to get on my knees praising him for his goodness when He continually says no to my prayers. It’s by golly super easy to talk about how good he is when you literally have everything your little heart desires. It’s super fun to praise God when it’s 75 degrees and sunny every day. But the truth is, God is good when he gives you children, and he is GOOD when he doesn’t. He is good because it’s an attribute of his character. When I feel sorry for Cristen, and when I have waves of grief that overwhelm my soul, I try to focus on what I deserve. Well, we all know I deserve far less than a child. I deserve far less than what I’ve been graciously given.
I am so thankful for infertility in so many ways. It has made me better. It has made me more dependent on Christ, and it has changed my entire outlook on life. I truly do believe that God has big plans for me. For my husband. For our future. Right now, I don’t know what those plans are, and most days I’m okay with that. I know that his purpose and his plan for me is ultimately always for my good. It’s not always easy. Truthfully, if it always was… I wouldn’t need him. When I say God is good, I mean that. I mean that he is good even though I have had a lot of heart ache the last 4 years. I mean he is good even though he said no through two rounds of invitro. He is good even when my house has crumbled to the ground and my neighbors house still stands. God is good despite your circumstances. He is good because he simply is.